Language is Offensive

Henceforth SJW’s want us to only communicate in clicks and whistles, lest they get triggered by a sub-nano-micoraggressive tonality.

According to a “Bias-Free Language Guide” used by the University of New Hampshire, the word “American” is “problematic” and therefore should not be used.

“North Americans often use ‘American’ which usually, depending on the contexts, fails to recognize South America,” the guide explains.

“[It] assumes the U.S. is the only country inside these two continents,” it adds.

It recommends using “Resident of the U.S.” or “U.S. citizen” instead.

According to the guide, other “problematic” terms include “opposite sex” (it recommends using “other sex,”) “senior citizen” (it recommends “old people” or “people of advanced age”) and “obese” (it recommends using “people of size…”)

“This guide is not a means to censor but rather to create dialogues of inclusion where all of us feel comfortable and welcomed,” it states.

Sadly, my hopes were dashed when I saw that neither grunts nor flatulence are allowed under the new scheme because they are too triggering to feminists. Aborigines and parakeets are overjoyed, though.

This can only be understood in the context of the neurotic, undeveloped, leftist amygdala that arises when free resource availability and lack of conflict atrophy and malform the structure, leaving it unadapted to managing any sort of stress, and thus unable to tolerate even the most minor of “micro-aggressions.”

If we lived in a world where ass-kickings were routine occurrences for everyone, and full on rendings were not at all uncommon, these characters would be overjoyed to only sit in a corner and listen to offensive words.

They will especially enjoy the apocalypse, though.

Apocalypse cometh™