Gweneth Paltrow, Jade Eggs, And Vaginal Carryalls

Typical rabbitry:

Dear Ms. Paltrow,

I’ve been reading all about the jade eggs you are selling on GOOP for $55-66 a pop and the corresponding interview with a jade egg enthusiast…

I read the post on GOOP and all I can tell you is it is the biggest load of garbage I have read on your site since vaginal steaming…

My issue begins with the very start of your post on jade eggs specifically that “queens and concubines used them to stay in shape for emperors…”

As for the recommendation that women sleep with a jade egg in their vaginas I would like to point out that jade is porous which could allow bacteria to get inside and so the egg could act like a fomite. This is not good, in case you were wondering. It could be a risk factor for bacterial vaginosis or even the potentially deadly toxic shock syndrome.

Regarding the suggestion to wear the jade egg while walking around, well, I would like to point out that your pelvic floor muscles are not meant to contract continuously. In fact, it is quite difficult to isolate your pelvic floor while walking so many women could actually clench other muscles to keep the egg inside. It is possible the pained expression of clenching your butt all day could be what is leading people to stare, not some energy glow.

Ignore the bacterial/disgust/sepsis angle. Who would ever think to buy egg shaped stones to carry around in their private parts? Typical rabbitry. They don’t even make a pretense of utilitarianism. She’s literally buying rocks, at $66 a piece, to carry around when she could easily stow her keys, her lip stick, and her cell phone in there.

You wonder why when the Apocalypse hits, the rabbits are the first to die? They are all about wasting resources, and not about actual function or utility.

Spread r/K Theory, because you don’t need any place to store the idea

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6 Responses to Gweneth Paltrow, Jade Eggs, And Vaginal Carryalls

  1. Pingback: Gweneth Paltrow, Jade Eggs, And Vaginal Carryalls | @the_arv

  2. SteveRogers42 says:

    After the apocalypse, the Duke of Bakersfield (former Recon Marine) will point to Miss Paltrow and say: “Bathe her — and bring her to me.”

  3. Big Time says:

    What? The idea is to keep your vagina tight for your man. Criticize the execution, and apparently medically it’s not effective but, it’s a thing, not just of Gwenyth Paltrow. Look up ‘Ben Wa Balls’.

  4. Hollywood Halfwits will believe anything but the truth.

  5. Sam J. says:

    Who knew there was such a thing as vaginal steaming?

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