On the rooftop of her Brooklyn apartment building this past spring, Erika Anderson put on a vintage-style white wedding dress, stood before a circle of her closest friends, and committed herself — to herself.
“I choose you today,” she said. Later she tossed the bouquet to friends and downed two shots of whiskey, one for herself and one for herself. She had planned the event for weeks, sending invitations, finding the perfect dress, writing her vows, buying rosé and fresh baguettes and fruit tarts from a French bakery. For the decor: an array of shot glasses emblazoned with the words “You and Me.” In each one, a red rose…
Self-marriage is a small but growing movement, with consultants and self-wedding planners popping up across the world. In Canada, a service called Marry Yourself Vancouver launched this past summer, offering consulting services and wedding photography. In Japan, a travel agency called Cerca Travel offers a two-day self-wedding package in Kyoto: You can choose a wedding gown, bouquet, and hairstyle, and pose for formal wedding portraits. On the website I Married Me, you can buy a DIY marriage kit: For $50, you get a sterling silver ring, ceremony instructions, vows, and 24 “affirmation cards” to remind you of your vows over time. For $230, you can get the kit with a 14-karat gold ring…
Marriage (to another person) is on the decline. Barely half of all adults in the U.S. are married — a record low — according to a 2011 study from the Pew Research Center. In 1960, 72 percent of adults age 18 and older were married, while today, just 51 percent are wed. People are waiting longer to marry as well: The median age at first marriage is at a new high for brides (26.5 years) and grooms (28.7 years).
Nonetheless, the stigma for single women remains. “It’s left over from centuries of one kind of marriage pattern and one path for women,” Traister says. She recalls reading books as a girl in which the story always ended when the heroine got married, as if that were the ultimate goal. “We’re set up as a culture to treat marriage as the most exciting thing you’ll ever do in your life,” she says. “But if you marry yourself, you can say: My life is just as meaningful as the life of the person who happens to be getting married.”
Things are changing in some strange way, such that some of the people today are no longer comfortable with the ways of the past. All of the changes in preference are changes which would aid one to exploit a resource glut, and they encompass such diverse areas as child-rearing, sexual preferences, sexual age-preference, economic distribution, aggressiveness, competitiveness, monogamy, and loyalty.
If you have never heard of r/K Theory, all of that must be bewildering. And yet if you know r/K it is not just understandable, it is all entirely predictable. Even the switch from a loyal, pro-social attitude to a more envious, selfish, duplicitous, conflict-avoidant, backstabbing, traitorous, self-absorbed psychology is explained:
After eight years of magnanimous humility, servility and deferential governance toward his political opposition, ‘President selfless‘ awards himself the Medal of Distinguished Public Service. Thus, President Obama officially declares himself the greatest public servant during his own tenure.
No. Really, not kidding. He did.
If you expect free resources awarded without any cost, this does not seem strange. If you expect a world of competition, where accomplishment arises from objective assessment of quality, it is weird.
That is why this blog continues. That one idea, that politics is actually the intellectual expression of underlying reproductive strategies, will eventually revolutionize politics. It is just too powerful to suppress, because it explains so much.
When it finally hits, it will have to be taught widely, infecting young minds across the globe, and then everything will change.